Separation Anxiety

I got kicked out of the gym yesterday morning.  And no, it was not because of the "spirited discussion" the woman had with me because she was slightly angry I was saving the last spin bike for a friend.  Did you know that is poor "spinning" etiquette?  Well, I do now.  Thank you, angry gym lady.  Anyhoo, back to this week.

Beginning mile 2 of my run jog trot when I notice the girl in the red child care shirt heading towards me with a frown.  Why is she frowning?  A poopy diaper is nothing to be upset about.  I needed a break in my workout anyways.  

Gym Girl:  "Anderson is screaming.  Crying so loudly that the people outside the gym can hear him.  My supervisor wanted me to come get you."

Me:  "Oh my gosh, he NEVER cries!"

Gym Girl:  "I know, but he won't stop."

Me:  "Oh, he must be getting sick.  My husband is home sick today.  I thought he had an ear infection a few days ago.  Or maybe it's teething.  He might be tired, too."  Oh no.  I'm one of "those moms".  Making excuses for why my child is misbehaving.  But seriously.  He's only 10 months old. 

I head in to the daycare to pick up my little monster and he starts laughing, giggling, and smiling when he sees me.  Great.  I guess the whole "sick and tired" excuses are out the window.  What else can I come up with?

Me:  "It must be separation anxiety.  I haven't been to the gym in awhile."

Gym Girl (and the other gym girls):  Nodding, heads down, not making eye contact.

Seriously, though.  I just know it's separation anxiety.   My boys are nothing short of angels.  All the time.  Even when they're sick and tired and hungry.  Aren't yours, too?


St. Patty's Day Frame & Shamrock Pencil Covers

The Chicago River is actually died green every year for St. Patty's Day.  How cool is that?

Here are some ideas for St. Patrick's Day that I'll leave you...better late than never! 

I apologize for my absence lately.  My brain doesn't work correctly during pregnancy and about 4 months postpartum.  Therefore, I will see you consistently in about a year.  

Shamrock Pencil Covers

What you'll need:
  • shamrock template (I just googled "shamrock template" and printed one off)
  • green felt
  • scissors
  • glue
  • gold coins (I used gold ribbon and hole-punched circles because I didn't have gold sequins or anything else that resembled a coin)
Just cut out two shamrock shapes, glue them together, leaving the end open to slide the pencil in.  Then glue your coins on and you're done!

St. Patty's Day Frames

Yes, another frame.  I just like to have a picture of the boys during each of the holidays, and what better way to keep it than having them decorate a frame!  I did one, too...cause it's fun and I still think I'm 4.  Just grab whatever items you have at home or find at your craft store and design how you want.  Here's how ours turned out...

Mint Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon mint extract
6 to 8 drops green food color
1 egg
1 cup creme de menthe baking chips
1 cup semisweet chocolate chunks
1. Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, stir cookie mix, butter, extract, food color and egg until soft dough forms. Stir in creme de menthe baking chips and chocolate chunks.
2. Using small cookie scoop or teaspoon, drop dough 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet.
3. Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until set. Cool 3 minutes; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Serve warm or cool completely. Store tightly covered at room temperature.



Ms. Post Office Lady

Dear Ms. Post Office Lady,

I would like to thank you for making me look like a fraudulent idiot.  Don't get me wrong, feeling like an idiot is something I do well and often.  But a fraud?  Well, that is new one and I am happy to say I can now add to my list.

If you don't remember, let me help you out.  Tuesday afternoon.  I came in schlepping 3 young boys with my hair in what was supposed to look like a pony tail but unfortunately resembled a lion's mane.  All I wanted to do was mail a hat and magazine to a girlfriend.  You told me I owed you $2.78. 

I grab my credit card. 

"Here you go!"  I say with a chipper smile.  Maybe you don't appreciate chipper.  Maybe misery loves company and you would've preferred that I call you something obscene.  Well, note to self for next time.

"Ma'am, I cannot accept this, it's not signed." 

No problem.  I hand her another card.  She swipes.

"Ma'am, this card is declined."  What?  It can't be!  I have at least $20 in there!  Whatever.  I hand her the original card.

"Ma'am, you will need to sign the card."  Okay, okay.  I'll sign it.  Lay off, lady.

"Ma'am, I will need to see your ID."  I hand her my driver's license with a picture of my head slightly turned to the right to make my face appear thinner.  I wish she would stop calling me ma'am.  It makes me feel old.

"Ma'am, the names don't match up."  This is exactly where my face turns bright red and I want to crawl into my diaper bag and cry myself to sleep.  I scurry out, bumping into the long line of people taking note of my face because they're confident they will see me on America's Most Wanted.  MOTHER, LIVING DOUBLE LIFE AND DOUBLE IDENTITIES. 

Disclaimer:  I did have money in my bank account.  I was using a temporary debit card that expires in 30 days and it happened to be day 31.  And the reason for my dual identities?  My credit card has my married name and my driver's license still has my maiden name.  You don't believe me, do you?



What he says:  Wow!  The house looks so clean!
What he means:  I wonder how many nicks you made in the baseboards with the vacuum.

What he says:  Honey, you don't need to take all the boys to the grocery store.
What he means:  You buy expensive food.  And you always forget my Little Debbie cinnamon rolls.

What he says:  I know it gets crazy in the evening...you don't need to cook.
What he means:  I would rather eat canned soup and turkey sandwiches for the rest of my life than come home and eat your crap food.

What he says:  Why don't you go shopping today?
What he means:  Abercrombie & Fitch is not for 30 somethings, you've been wearing that headband everyday for the past 5 years, and white clothes that are now yellow are just not attractive.

What he says:  Why don't you wait until I get home to give all 3 boys a bath at the same time?  I am more than happy to help.
What he means:  There is water on the walls, ceiling and mirror.  This is not a splash park, this is our home.

What he says:  Lisa, you look tired.  Why don't you go on up to bed?
What he means:  I don't want to watch HGTV for one more second.  And there's a hockey game on.  You are going to be replaced with a bag of popcorn.


Annoying Cartoon Characters

1.  CAILLOU.  You need to stop your whining.  You're not 2 anymore.  You're 4.  Get it together, buddy.

2.  TINKY WINKY.  You need to come out of the closet.  It's 2011.  We're all okay with it.  Red handbag anyone?

3.  BARNEY.  So does this jolly purple dinosaur for that matter.

Speaking of Barney, those kids desperately need to go clothes shopping.

4.  MICKEY MOUSE.  You need a new theme song, you happy little mouse...if "hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog" gets stuck in my head for one more day, I swear... And no, Mickey, I don't want to come inside your clubhouse.

5.  SPECIAL AGENT OSO.  Find a dentist.  You need braces.  And you're kind of a know-it-all.

Not annoying, but worthy of mentioning their phenomenol dance moves:

The Backyardigans needs to sign up for "So You Think You Can Dance?".   Seriously.


Organic Book Club

I went to book club Wednesday night.  I know, I know.  My husband thought it was pretty hilarious, too.  It's not that I don't read...I actually love to read.  I'm just more of a Twilight kinda girl...you know, the books aimed at preteens.

6:30 pm:  Philosophical game face on.  One last check in the mirror.  Well, I certainly "looked" the part.  J Crew headband, turtleneck, straight-legged jeans...now if only I could find those glasses I wore in college for my "astigmatism".  Which, by the way, whatever happened to that astigmatism?  Either way, those glasses sure did make me look smarter.

Let me just interrupt myself by saying this....the girl who chose the book this month is a professor in creative writing (enough said).  That's not even fair.  Give me a book club with Dr. Seuss books and I'll run circles around you.  But she obviously didn't choose The Cat In The Hat.  The book she chose was this:

It's deep.  Like really deep.  Like over my head, I have no idea what they're talking about and how am I going to hide my confused face deep

6:50pm: I arrive at book club...fashionably early.  I warn myself that less is more and to think before I speak if I must speak at all.  This is not a pajamajammyjam.  This is book club.  I'm in the big leagues now, people.  I am.  A grownup.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that only The Professor really knew what the heck this book was about.  So I'm not an idiot.  I knew it.  I'm smarter than I look.  Even without my glasses.

Book club was going better than I anticipated.  Until the topic turned organic

Setting the scene....discussing food....

Book Club goer #1:  You know, you're not even safe at Whole Foods anymore!
Book Club goer #2:  I know!  It's scary!
Book Club goer #3:  Well, have you been to that local farm near such and such?  That's where I'm doing most of my shopping these days.

Holy processed food, Batman.  Should I tell them now or later I had a Velveeta cheese sandwich for lunch yesterday?  It was quite tasty, by the way.  And they would be pretty appalled to see all the Splenda and creamer I put in my coffee, too. 

Oh wait.  I buy organic eggs and milk.  I might still have a chance... 

P.S.  I had three bowls of Tootie Fruities for lunch today. 


Lazy Lasagna

If I share a recipe you can bet your bottom dollar it's going to be either really good or super easy.  This happens to be both.  And who doesn't like a crock pot recipe?  Can I get a whoop whoop?  This is Sandra Lee's recipe....

2 pounds fully cooked meatballs, thawed and sliced.  We love Foster Farms turkey meatballs from Costco.
1 large egg
1 container (15-ounce) ricotta cheese
1 tbsp Italian seasoning
2 jars roasted garlic pasta sauce (or whatever you have at home)
1 box no-boil lasagna noodles
1 pound thinly sliced provolone cheese
Pam cooking spray

1.  Beat egg with a fork and stir in ricotta cheese and italian seasoning.  Set aside.

2.  Coat your slow cooker with cooking spray.  Add 1/2 cup of pasta sauce to slow cooker.  Add a layer of lasagna noodles, breaking them to fit.  Layer with one-third of the meatballs, one-third of the ricotta cheese mixture, and one-third of the provolone cheese.  Add 1/2 cups of the pasta sauce.  Repeat layers twice more.  End with noodles and remaining pasta sauce.  Cover and cook on low heat setting for 3 to 4 hours. 

Enjoy.  Thank me later.  And if you don't like it, I don't want to know.

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