Car Wash for Dummies



I hate the car wash. 

3 months prior...
Pit stop to Thunder Wash to spruce up my kid mobile.  I opted for the $12 deluxe option because I was making up for lost time.  Swipe the credit card and off we go.  My husband is going to be so proud of me!  I'm getting something done today...besides sitting on the couch, watching Days of Our Lives and eating Bon Bons like I normally do.  Kidding, of course...I watch All My Children.

Anyhoo, here is what incompetence looks like...

Green light...I hate it when my wheels don't go where they're supposed to.  Back up, pull forward, back up, move to the right, now to the left, even it out.  Okay.  I got it.  They're in.  Clean car here we come!

Why is only the front half of the car getting sudsy?
Nice.  It only washed half my car.

I immediately called the owner, who after careful consideration, reviewed the tape and responded with this...
"Ma'am, let me explain how to use a carwash."

Needless to say, I didn't get my money back and now I'm boycotting Thunder Wash...oh, and if I was unsure before...I know now.  I am an idiot.

Fast forward to Saturday night.  Girls night out = I need to make it look like I don't live in filth = car wash.

Heartrate increasing. 

"Suck it up," I say to myself, "it's a car wash for goodness sake."

Because I don't back down from challenges, I head in.  Oh great....the owner of the car wash is there.  I immediately put the car in reverse.  I can't handle this kind of pressure.  A clean car can wait. 
The guy flags me down.  I roll down my window.  "Oh, I didn't realize you were open."  I am, in fact, a big fat liar.  There were 3 other cars in line.

He quickly realizes he's dealing with a bonehead.  And then I realize he might have been a flight attendant in another life.  The hand signals were a bit overkill.  He ended with a smile and a "thumbs up." 

My hubby is now taking over all car wash duties.