Shut The Front Door!

Shut the front door.  No.  Literally.  Shut the front door.  I cannot risk the future state of my marriage if you do not. 

Wednesday evening.  Husband arrives home.

Me:  "Hi Honey!!!!"  (I just love it when he gives me an eyeroll for being overly enthusiastic when he strolls through the door.)
Travis:  "Man it feels warm in here."

Without passing go, he heads straight for the thermostat.  No, "Hi honey, how was your day?  Did B eat his carrots?  Did Goozer have a poopy?  How did Teeny nap?"

Hubby:  "I knew it. 71 degrees."  He walks back into the room with a smug look on his face.

Me:  "We usually set it at 70, babe." (I don't really call him babe.  It just sounded cuter than Trav.)

Hubby:  "Well, every little bit helps, Lisa."

I think I married my dad.

Angelina Jolie and Happiness

WARNING:  When using a hot glue gun do not, I repeat do not, put glue on a piece of fabric and then put it in your mouth to "hold" it for a quick second.

The upper left side of my lip is swollen and singed.  Although it hurts like a snickerdoodle, I am slightly excited about the fact that my lip currently resembles Angelina Jolie.  Just the top one, though.  On the left side. 


Anyhoo....

This morning I needed to be at the gym at 9:03.  Any minute prior and the aerobics instructor would guilt me into taking one of her classes.  But today I had a different agenda.  I desperately wanted to watch Oprah.  Hey, if TV motivates me to get my buns to the gym, so be it.

Her show today was "ARE YOU HAPPY?"

It turns out I am...happy, that is (currently doing the "happy dance" at the moment accompanied with a few heel clicks which are always fun to do with socks on the hardwoods because you risk the chance of falling on your face which will give you a good laugh and make you even happier as long as you don't do permanent damage to any part of your body).

Goldie was on the show, who I absolutely adore and they discussed all sorts of important things people do (or can do) to make them happy.  It made me think about what makes me chipper.  Anyhoo, here's a few things that make me happy (not listed in any particular order):

FAMILY ~ okay, that one was in particular order and should be ranked 1st on the list.  Not just my boys and hubby, but my sisters, parents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, nephews, etc. etc.

FRIENDS ~ I'm a huge believer in making new friends while keeping the old.  I adore the friends I've had for years and even though they don't live close I cherish having them in my life.  I also love, love, love making new friends.  Sometimes I get a little carried away, though.  I'm like a guy with a bad pick-up line meeting new friends at Target, Michaels, wherever...

HOLIDAYS ~ the music, dress-up, crafts, decorating, baking...everything that encompasses the joy of a holiday.

COFFEE ~ with loads of vanilla creamer, of course.

CANDLES ~ you can't help but feel relaxed and happy when your home smells yummy.

RELAXATION MUSIC ~ my personal favorite is anything Celtic.

QUIET TIME (& sleep) ~ during nap time when I could be cooking, cleaning, organizing, etc. I don't.  This is my time.  Phones are turned off, relaxation music is on and even if it only works out that it's for a very short time, it's my short time...to regroup, nap, or just sit and stare at the ceiling, feeling totally not guilty in relishing in the quiet.  Everything else can wait.  Everything.

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

American Express

Calling hubby @ work.....

ME:  "So, my mom picked up Brenden and Preston.  I'm on my way to go grocery shopping with Teeny (aka baby Anderson)!"  As you can tell I'm very excited to not only go to the grocery store, but also to go with only one child.

HUBBY:  Silence followed by stuttering...."Oh....uh...you are?  Well, I brought coupons with me today because I was going to stop by the store on my way home."

I knew he'd figure out a way from preventing me from setting foot in the grocery store.

ME:  "Okay, I'll go shopping instead.  Which credit card should I use?"

I caught him off guard.  Perfect.  Success on my part.

HUBBY:  "I guess the American Express."

Take that, Hubster, hay yah! (that was a karate kick sound I just made, FYI) 

P.S. I love you, Travis! ;)
P.P.S. We don't really own a "black card". 

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

Good for you.  Pretty sure I'm not.  In fact,

I don't think I'm smarter than a 4th grader either.
Or a 3rd grader.
And have you seen what they're doing in 2nd grade these days?
1st grade is no walk in the park either.
Which leads me to kindergarten.  I'll get to that in a moment.

I do preschool. 

1+1=2
blue+red= purple
and there are 7 days in a week

I was helping B with his homework the other night about solid figures. 

B needed help.  Then I needed help.

I asked my husband if this was a sphere or a cylinder.  He said sphere.  He's such a showoff sometimes.

I, on the other hand, said "No, I think it's a cylinder."  I googled.  I hate it when I'm wrong.

This led to a little self-analyzation on my part.  Maybe this is why I loved teaching preschool.  The kids thought I was brilliant which led me to believing I was brilliant.  When, in fact, I might be about as sharp as a marble.  By the way, a marble is a sphere.



I now officially have 4 friends. And meet Bunny.

I am happy to announce that not only is someone reading my blog (besides the 3 other people that I know of for sure), but someone actually likes it.  Either that, or they think I'm completely lame and feel sorry for me.  Whatev.  I'm not picky.  I'll take a pity-compliment.
And yes, if you were wondering...I am totally tooting my own horn.  Can't we do that among friends?  She gave me a "Stylish Blog Award"...whatever that means.  Below is a link to her fabulous blog.  She doesn't drink coffee (green tea, ugh!) but I can get over that.
The American Resident
P.S. I am "supposed" to list 7 things you didn't know about me and 15 blogs that I am loving at the moment.  I need your help.  If you have any blogs that you LOVE, please share!!!!
Carrying on...

Someone's mad at me.  Really, really mad at me.  I didn't mean to leave him out.  I hate it when people feel like they're not included.  So I get it.  It's just that he didn't pertain to the story.

Remember how I said Binky was the macaroni and Goozer's the cheese?  I lied.  I apologize.  It was a little white lie.  But a lie nonetheless.  He's been mad at me all month and just can't get over the fact that I would leave him out.
Meet Bunny.



The Three Amigos.  The Three Wise Men.  Larry, Moe, and Curley...if you will. 

There you go, Bunny.  Are you happy now?  Geez, he's so sensitive sometimes.

Lisa's Low-Cal Lemon Spritzer

• large glass with ice
• fill 1/2 with la croix lemon sparkling water
• fill 1/2 with lemon crystal light
• add slice of lemon

5 calories...can you beat that, really?!  Makes my mid-days fabulous....and guilt-free. ;)



Buckingham Palace

Hi, my name's Lisa and I'm a hoarder...and possibly, slightly, just maybe a little crazy.  Let me set the scene, if I may.

WHO:  Goozer and Mommy

WHERE:  Playroom  (side note:  Hubby wanted the playroom to be an office.  But what Lisa wants, Lisa gets.  Thank you very much.)

WHAT:  I caught myself hiding mega blocks in my lap today.  More specifically, I was hoarding the larger ones while handing off the small ones to The Gooz. 

WHEN:  Who cares?  I dunno...noonish.

WHY:  I had a very specific castle in mind and no toddler was going to get in the way of my masterpiece.

It became apparent very quickly that I needed to let go of my vision to build a replica of the Buckingham Palace.  Below is Goozer's interpretation of Windsor Castle.

last one up is a rotten egg!

Do your children happily oblige as soon as you ask them to do something?  Well, that's great.  Good for you.  Pin a rose on your nose.  Mine have to be bribed.  I blame it on the fact that I'm raising boys.  

One word:  testosterone.

How do I remedy this lack of motivation in my boys?  Competition, people.  Friendly, "last one up is a rotten egg" competition.  One simple sentence and I can get them to do just about anything. 

ME:  Let's go brush teeth.
THEM:  Ignore.
ME:  Who doesn't want cavities?!  (I throw out my spirit fingers just to make that statement sound even more exciting.)
THEM:  Ignore.
ME:  I guess all your teeth are going to rot and the dentist will have to pull them all out.  One by one.  Slowly.  Painfully. 
THEM:  Ignore.
ME:  Last one up is a rotten egg!
THEM:  Running and pushing, shoving  happily skipping up the stairs to go do exactly what mommy has asked of them.  My sweet, perfect little angels.

Everything's dandy. 

Until someone is left as the rotten egg.

 


THEM:  Crying, fighting, "I don't want to be the rotten egg!"
ME:  No, no, I'm the rotten egg.  Look at me!  I'm so rotten!  And I'm an egg...rotting.  Just like your teeth are going to do if you don't get in the bathroom right now and start brushing.
THEM:  Crying, fighting, "I don't want to be the rotten egg!" 
ME:  Think fast, think fast, think fast.........still thinking.
HUSBAND: (yelling from downstairs)  "First one up eats it!!"

Nice.  Real nice.  Now they're both crying.  Good save, Hubby.  Good save.

Boogers and Blonde Moments: Cut and Paste

Boogers and Blonde Moments: Cut and Paste: "I love holidays! Any reason to do an art project with my boys and I do the happy dance. I swear I'm a 3-year-old trapped in a 32..."

Cut and Paste

I love holidays!  Any reason to do an art project with my boys and I do the happy dance.  I swear I'm a 3-year-old trapped in a 32-year-old body.  For the record, my husband would agree. 

So lets get ready for Valentine's Day!  Countdown is on, people.  We only have approximately 34 days left! 
Here's an easy peasy (cause again, that's my middle name) V-day decoration that the kids can do and actually looks decent enough to hang somewhere besides your fridge. And you probably already have this stuff at home (I did) and who, my friends, doesn't like free?



First, I went to the garage and found a toy box from Christmas that hadn't yet been recycled.  We only put out about half of our boxes on garbage day just in case the garbage man might think we spoiled our kids for Christmas.  They were on the "good" list, okay?!  No judgement.

Next, get out any pink, red, purple tissue paper you have in your gift-wrapping bin.  Don't tell me you don't have a bin?!  Please let me know immediately if I need to come over and organize your house.  Will exchange for child care.  And cookies.  And I do like really fudgy brownies.

Oh, and find a ribbon that you've saved from an old gift.  I am quite positive my mom gave me this pretty purple one.  If you know my mom, you have probably received one of her gorgeous presents wrapped to perfection.

Get out glue and scissors and coral your children for a fun (so fun!) little holiday project, if you will.  Cut out a heart from the cardboard (you can always use paper, but I like the cardboard cause it's sturdier).  Next, cut out large squares from your tissue paper.  Let the kids go to work, scrunching...they LOVE this!  If you are anal, not naming any names (ME, ME, ME) you can teach your kids to do a "light" scrunch.  If you crumble it up too much it makes very tiny unattractive balls;  we want petty.  We want pretty poofy balls.

Now time to glue.  I drizzled a bunch of glue all over the heart and gave the boys paint brushes to spread it around.  They think it's fun and it comes off the table fairly easy when they decide it needs glue, too.  Tape the bow on the back and hang wherever you darn well please. 

And wa-la!  Easy peasy tissue paper heart. 

He's taken 214 pictures today and he's still not done!

Brenden received a fisher-price camera for Christmas. 

Currently, he's taken 214 picture today.  Not one square inch of our house has gone unphotographed.   After each new picture, he's so excited that he wants me to look at them...starting from the beginning. 

You do the math.  I would do it for you, however, I'm a retired preschool teacher and let's be honest...anything past simple addition sends my head into a tailspin...or my tail into a headspin...or whatever.

Me:  "Oh look, what a cute picture of the microwave!"
Brenden: "I know. I'm such a great picture-taker!"
Me:  "Oh look, what an awesome picture of the toilet!"
Brenden:  Proud grin...
Me:  "Oh look, I can't believe how nicely you captured that dust bunny!  Beautiful!" 

You get the picture (no pun intended)...

The Gooz has also taken quite a liking to the new camera.  Luckily, this is Brenden's 2nd camera (because every 5-year-old needs at least 2 cameras).  It's cute watching a little almost 2 year old run around snapping pictures and saying, "Cheese!" 

Speaking of Christmas gifts.  I believe my house is packed with more monster trucks and trains than the boys aisle of Toys R Us.  And with new gifts, comes reorganizing.  Yay!  I thought the day would never come.  According to my husband, I like to tackle new projects at inopportune times.  Like when my hub has the flu and my youngest has an ear infection.  But living in this kind of chaos (with new toys desperately needing a home) cannot wait.  I'm pretty sure someone would try to commit me to some sort of mental institution if they saw me at work.

My "organization" thought process.

Cars.  They need a home.  Divide.  Small cars in one pile.  Large cars in another.  No, start over.  Blue cars in one pile, green in another, red in another.  No, no, no start over.  Thomas the Train in one pile, John Deer in another, Hot Wheels in another...no, no, no.  And so it begins...attempting to find the perfect "home" for each car and truck.

I will let you know how this turns out...

coolness & playdough

Did you know that I am super cool?  I have coolness oozing out of my pours.  I make Don Draper from Mad Men look very uncool.



Totally kidding, Don.  You know you're my #1.

In case you have doubts, let me give you a few reasons why I am so amazingly cool:

1.  I can do the worm better than anyone I know.  Believe it.  So cool.

2.  I can make no-bake cookies with my eyes closed.  And then eat the entire batch with my eyes open.  How cool is that?!

3.  I am always early.  It's so much cooler to be early than late.  My firstborn's first word was "clock". 

4.  My mom tells me I'm cool all the time. 

5.  I once owned a faded jean jacket with faux fur around the collar.  And a matching jean skirt. 

6.  I permed my hair twice a year every year for 12 years in a row. 

7.  I married the coolest person I know...after myself, of course.  He knows how to wiggle his ears.

8.  I am not ashamed to wear a girdle spanx.  See how cool I am?

9.  "I'd like to order a grande, 4 pump peppermint, 3 pump chocolate, extra hot, nonfat, no whip peppermint mocha."  Cool drink.

10.  I can talk on the phone, cook dinner, check my facebook, clean the baseboards and play hockey in the kitchen all at the same time.  Pure coolness.  Oh, and reapply lipgloss when necessary.

Okay, and now I would like to share with you the BEST PLAYDOUGH RECIPE!



In a large saucepan, mix together

3 cups Flour

1 1/2 cups Salt

3 cups Water

2 TB vegetable oil (I used canola, I’m sure it doesn’t matter)

1 TB Cream of Tartar

Food coloring or unsweetened Kool-Aid  for color. 

During the holidays I like to make a batch with peppermnt extract. You can also make gingerbread playdough by adding cinnamon, ginger, all-spice, and nutmeg.  Many options....

Cook over medium-low heat, stirring frequently, until the dough pulls away from the sides of the pan and gets too thick to stir. Remove from heat and let cool until it can be handled. Place on counter or wax paper and knead several times until smooth. Store in an air-tight container.  This will last you forever.  I still have one batch I made 4 years ago!

Love, Lisa

Road Trip

8 hours in the car with 3 young boys.  I was less than thrilled with the idea.  Cough, cough, sniff, sniff....I think I might be coming down with something.  Teens has a runny nose...surely we can't drive that far when our baby has the sniffles.  Is that snow I see?  Wouldn't it just be easier if all 23 of our family members drove 8 hours to our house?

I went into the drive prepared...ready to chuck granola bars, cheez-its, and sippy cups at a moment's notice.  Don't mind the fact that I was sandwiched between 8 blankets, 2 diaper bags, and 5 coats.  I had several stupid  fun songs to entertain the boys.  And of course the dvd players were happily playing every Christmas movie possible.

Let me just toot my own horn for a second.  They.  Were.  Awesome.  And somehow that should correlate into me being awesome.

It was nothing short of a perfect drive.  Travis was in the driver seat, hands 10 and 2...periodically giving me looks of "is this really going so well?".  Brenden and Goozer in the the middle seats happily watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  I was in the 3rd row catching up on my August issue of Oprah with Teens who was giggling with delight for 8 hours straight.  When is the next road trip?  I'm thinking Disneyland.  Mid-February. 

And then the trip back.

9:30  departure - waves, blowing kisses, "miss you and see you soon!" shouts out the window...

9:35  Goozer dancing, swaying and bouncing to Rudolph.  That's right...we're still in the Christmas spirit, people! 
Oh wait...The Gooz is only bouncing because he's not strapped in his car seat.  Pull over.  Click it or ticket.  Safety first.  FYI...Travis' fault.  Totally.

9:40  "Dink, dink, dink!!!!!"  Immediately hand Goozer his sippy cup.  Takes a drink, then chucks it on the floor.

9:41:  Gooz decides he wants another "dink".

10:05  Currently been hit in the head by Bunny approximately 14 times.  Travis has been hit 9.  Yet we continue to give him back.

10:10  Goozer throws Bunny on the floor...in front of Brenden's seat.  Goozer's upset, yet Brenden sees this as a wonderful opportunity to taunt his brother.  He reaches down to the floor like he's going to pick up Bunny and give it back to him.  His slow, over exaggerated reach just can't seem to get him.  Turns to Goozer and smirks.  Crying.

10:50  Travis asks me if I have to go potty.  Yes, he said potty.  He pulls off to a rest stop before I can inform him of my phobia.  I know there's a serial killer waiting for me in one the stalls.  Or the creepy guy parked next to us is going to hijack my husband and kids at gunpoint and I will never see them again.

10:53  I return safely but am informed my potty break cost us 3 minutes.

11:03  Browsing through crock pot cookbooks, earmarking any recipe with 5 ingredients or less...or anything with "easy" or "simple" in the title.

11:10  The Bee Movie is on.  Kids quiet.  Hubby gives me "I wonder how long this will last" wink through the rear view mirror.  I decide I want to become a bee.

12:30  It's raining, it's pouring, and mommy is snoring. 

12:40  Boys awake.  Hungry.  Head to Micky D's drive-thru for a healthy, unprocessed lunch.  Brenden eats 2 nuggets and wants his toy.  Goozer decides he only wants french fries.  Fine.  Since we're on a health kick  I decide I want something sweet.  Lucky for me, my mother-in-law filled my stocking with vanilla lotion and Hot Tamales.  Apparently she thinks I'm smelly with a mad sweet tooth.  I begin shoveling them in as if I don't have another 5 hours in the car to eat them.

12:45  Did I mention Hubby has the flu?  I offered to drive...but "I can't be trusted on the open road."  Oh, and Teens has an ear-infection.  And I have a mean cough that makes me sound like I've been a smoker for 32 years.  I wonder if Hot Tamales have vitamin C?

Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive.  No more stops.  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  No more stops.

5:30  Arrive home in record time.  It's New Year's Eve.  The boys are asleep my 7:59.  Travis is out shortly after.  I am the last one awake...which pretty much NEVER happens.  I listen to my neighbors light off illegal fireworks and decide to turn in for the night.