Road Trip

8 hours in the car with 3 young boys.  I was less than thrilled with the idea.  Cough, cough, sniff, sniff....I think I might be coming down with something.  Teens has a runny nose...surely we can't drive that far when our baby has the sniffles.  Is that snow I see?  Wouldn't it just be easier if all 23 of our family members drove 8 hours to our house?

I went into the drive prepared...ready to chuck granola bars, cheez-its, and sippy cups at a moment's notice.  Don't mind the fact that I was sandwiched between 8 blankets, 2 diaper bags, and 5 coats.  I had several stupid  fun songs to entertain the boys.  And of course the dvd players were happily playing every Christmas movie possible.

Let me just toot my own horn for a second.  They.  Were.  Awesome.  And somehow that should correlate into me being awesome.

It was nothing short of a perfect drive.  Travis was in the driver seat, hands 10 and 2...periodically giving me looks of "is this really going so well?".  Brenden and Goozer in the the middle seats happily watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  I was in the 3rd row catching up on my August issue of Oprah with Teens who was giggling with delight for 8 hours straight.  When is the next road trip?  I'm thinking Disneyland.  Mid-February. 

And then the trip back.

9:30  departure - waves, blowing kisses, "miss you and see you soon!" shouts out the window...

9:35  Goozer dancing, swaying and bouncing to Rudolph.  That's right...we're still in the Christmas spirit, people! 
Oh wait...The Gooz is only bouncing because he's not strapped in his car seat.  Pull over.  Click it or ticket.  Safety first.  FYI...Travis' fault.  Totally.

9:40  "Dink, dink, dink!!!!!"  Immediately hand Goozer his sippy cup.  Takes a drink, then chucks it on the floor.

9:41:  Gooz decides he wants another "dink".

10:05  Currently been hit in the head by Bunny approximately 14 times.  Travis has been hit 9.  Yet we continue to give him back.

10:10  Goozer throws Bunny on the floor...in front of Brenden's seat.  Goozer's upset, yet Brenden sees this as a wonderful opportunity to taunt his brother.  He reaches down to the floor like he's going to pick up Bunny and give it back to him.  His slow, over exaggerated reach just can't seem to get him.  Turns to Goozer and smirks.  Crying.

10:50  Travis asks me if I have to go potty.  Yes, he said potty.  He pulls off to a rest stop before I can inform him of my phobia.  I know there's a serial killer waiting for me in one the stalls.  Or the creepy guy parked next to us is going to hijack my husband and kids at gunpoint and I will never see them again.

10:53  I return safely but am informed my potty break cost us 3 minutes.

11:03  Browsing through crock pot cookbooks, earmarking any recipe with 5 ingredients or less...or anything with "easy" or "simple" in the title.

11:10  The Bee Movie is on.  Kids quiet.  Hubby gives me "I wonder how long this will last" wink through the rear view mirror.  I decide I want to become a bee.

12:30  It's raining, it's pouring, and mommy is snoring. 

12:40  Boys awake.  Hungry.  Head to Micky D's drive-thru for a healthy, unprocessed lunch.  Brenden eats 2 nuggets and wants his toy.  Goozer decides he only wants french fries.  Fine.  Since we're on a health kick  I decide I want something sweet.  Lucky for me, my mother-in-law filled my stocking with vanilla lotion and Hot Tamales.  Apparently she thinks I'm smelly with a mad sweet tooth.  I begin shoveling them in as if I don't have another 5 hours in the car to eat them.

12:45  Did I mention Hubby has the flu?  I offered to drive...but "I can't be trusted on the open road."  Oh, and Teens has an ear-infection.  And I have a mean cough that makes me sound like I've been a smoker for 32 years.  I wonder if Hot Tamales have vitamin C?

Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive.  No more stops.  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  No more stops.

5:30  Arrive home in record time.  It's New Year's Eve.  The boys are asleep my 7:59.  Travis is out shortly after.  I am the last one awake...which pretty much NEVER happens.  I listen to my neighbors light off illegal fireworks and decide to turn in for the night.